Am I Going with the Flow?

I used to be a far more regimented person than I am now. Some of that was by virtue of being a single mother, raising a daughter who liked to go places and do things while working a demanding full-time plus job. It’s pretty hard to not plan out your day under those circumstances.

Once my daughter left home I continued with a pretty strong routine. It was comforting and frankly, kept me from becoming a complete couch potato.

Then I delved farther into yoga and once I discovered vinyasa, I started to realize just how tightly wrapped I am, and how much anxiety it would cause me to deviate from schedule or alter my routine.  At some point, I stopped wearing a watch.  I found I was checking it far too often during the day, and I came to believe it was creating stress for me.  Am I on time?  Am I spending too long on this project?  I stopped wearing a watch and the first few days were a withdrawal.  Then it became ok.

I had always been an anxious traveler; through yoga I came to realize some of that was my need to stick to schedule which, let’s say when traveling from Florida to Ohio at Christmas with a blizzard around the corner, is just not reasonable.   For many reasons, sticking to a schedule when traveling is just not always feasible, and I started to let go of some of that stress too.

I’ve come to realize over time just how rigid my life and thinking used to be. Everytime I push the corners a little bit, it becomes clear to me how small that box was. I have less self-induced anxiety. I have alot more boundaries to push and I’m finding I trip over them every day; some days I can move past them and other days I can’t but I still know where to find them for another day.