Forgiveness is a tricky thing.  Sometimes the words the great thinkers use to describe forgiveness and how forgiveness will set you free sound incredibly trite and well, like drivel.

I’ve been giving some thought to forgiveness lately.  I’ve been a Philadelphia Eagles fan for over thirty years and I have five dogs.  I have a daughter and son in law who are veterinarians and my sister always adopts adult shelter dogs.  We are a dog family.

Michael Vick, for those of you who don’t know, is an NFL quarterback who  pleaded guilty in 2007 to “Conspiracy to Travel in Interstate Commerce in Aid of Unlawful Activities and to Sponsor a Dog in an Animal Fighting Venture”. He admitted to providing most of the financing for the operation and to participating directly in several dog fights in several states.  He admitted to sharing in the proceeds from these dog fights. He further admitted that he knew his colleagues killed several dogs who did not perform well. He admitted to being involved in the destruction of 6–8 dogs, by hanging or drowning. The “victimization and killing of pit bulls” was considered as aggravating circumstances that led prosecutors to exceed the federal sentencing guidelines for the charge.  (Thank you Wikipedia)

When I first heard of Vick’s crimes I shut my ears to it as much as possible.  The crimes were hideous.  Some were committed with his bare hands.  I couldn’t fathom that level of violence against dogs.  My dogs sleep with me!

Since Vick played for the Atlanta Falcons, he never made a big impression on me; I remembered him more for putting his pot in a water bottle and trying to sneak it on a plane than for his skills.  The only impression he had made upon me was negative.  He went to prison and I thought that was that.

Ugh.  In 2009, my Eagles signed him.  Donavan McNabb and head coach Andy Reid got with Tony Dungy and they took in this dog killing felon.   I was having none of it.  So as a South Florida transplant  I cheered for the Dolphins for a season and kept an eye on the Eagles.  Vick didn’t play a lot but it was interesting to watch him.  I didn’t see many interviews with him, although periodically another article would appear about his crimes and whether he should even be playing in the NFL.  I felt that he should not be allowed to rejoin the NFL and he should never, ever be a sports hero or role model for anyone.

A funny thing happened.  Vick played more and was interviewed more.  He was coming across like someone who had hit rock bottom and was trying to dig his way out.  He knew, or at least said out loud, that he was the cause of all of his own problems and was taking responsibility trying to find his way back.  Vick lost everything:  his career, his multi-million dollar endorsements, money, homes.  By 2010, I was starting to look at him differently.

A part of of me was waking up.  Aren’t we supposed to be all about forgiveness?  Or were Vick’s crimes too horrible to ever forgive?  To make it that much worse, in 2010 Vick had a Pro Bowl season.  He was scrambling and throwing and making his case on the field more than in the press.  I was drawn back in to watching the Eagles because Vick was so captivating to watch.  That really confused the issue for me.  Was I liking Vick more because he was helping my team win or because I truly believe in change?

Slightly off topic – you know when a friend complains about relationship problems and you respond by saying “well people don’t really change”.  Is that true?  Are we stuck with actions and opinions that we cannot change?  Is our personality so set in stone that nothing can ever be corrected?  Yoga does not teach me this.  Yoga teaches me that people can change both physically and mentally once you open yourself up.  I know I’ve changed through my yoga practice.

So I decided to stick my toe in and become a quasi-Vick supporter.  The sky did not fall.  I started cheering a little harder and supporting Vick a little more vocally.   No one stopped being my friend.  No family member disowned me.  A few had things to say about my support of Vick.  I asked those people to donate to the ASPCA or Humane Society instead of buying me Christmas presents.  That helped mitigate some of my unease.

From 2010 to 2013, Vick and the Eagles have been on a down turn.  Vick signed another multi-million dollar contract, this time with the Eagles.  He fumbled the ball a lot, got injured a lot, several keys players (and the coached) mentally checked out and weren’t putting their all into it.  This was when I realized I was more than a fan than I thought – three years later, I’m still cheering for Vick and still hoping for the changes he seemed to make to be permanent.  So far, he has been a law-abiding citizen who has gone beyond the conditions of his parole to work on legislation to prevent dog-fighting.  He has been a mediocre quarterback at best.  I am still a fan.

Through yoga, I’ve tried to step outside of my head and look at things from other people’s perspectives.  Sometimes, when I really open myself up, I am shocked to realize that my perspective is not universally shared on issues I think are clear as day.  In listening to and reading interviews with Mike Vick, I came to realize something:  as much as I could never understand his attitudes towards animals, perhaps he could never understand mine.  Maybe he would never understand why Bree sleeps on my pillow, or why Pixel wears a sweater when its 70 degrees out or why Jack Henry the beagle knows my deepest, darkest secrets.  This certainly doesn’t excuse his crimes, but it made me think of things a little bit differently.

I don’t know Michael Vick personally and I have no way of knowing if he has really truly changed.  But I’ve decided to be on board with forgiveness and try to be a little more open with it.  Forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself.  Michael Vick will not know that I have forgiven him and moved on to become a supporter.  I hope that I am correct but I have no way of knowing.  I have taken a leap of faith and am putting forgiveness into the universe.  Holding in the negativity, whether it’s someone you know or someone who effects your life in some minor way, does you no service.

Go Eagles!

So practicing every day since I got my Tibetan singing bowl has taught me several things:  its not as easy as it seems, there are muscles in your hands that can ache, how you hold the bowl is supremely important and, seemingly contrary – the less I grip the mallet but the more consistent the pressure, the better.

Everything yoga has taught me is in some manner about letting go.  Much of what I’ve tried to pass along in this blog is about letting go.  Learning the singing bowl has again reinforced that to me.

The first day I picked up the bowl, I had no expectations, some typed instructions and some YouTube videos.  I made that bowl sing immediately and thought that it was all uphill from there.  Well, the next day I thought about everything and, of course, couldn’t get the bowl to hum.  I added a little meditation to my practice routine.  I brought out my rose quartz mala – rose quartz opens the heart chakra, which is where I feel I need to play from; it helps to balance the emotions, thereby keeping me less frustrated; and it is used to raise self-esteem, which being horrifically unmusical, I appreciated.

Rose quartz mala in hand, I began to meditate for as long as I could.  The first day or so there was a focus issue, then the focus came back (almost like muscle memory) but life would interfere.  One overcast, drizzly morning, when the house was very low energy, I picked up my mala and went through it in its entirety, sat for a few moments then picked up the bowl.  I held it directly out from my heart and picked up the mallet.  I was holding it differently, less of a grip but it somehow felt more controlled and I held the bowl in my flat left hand.  My mind was clear and I had no expectations or frustrations.   From there it just flowed.

Sometimes it frustrates me, sometimes it amuses me, sometimes it comforts me ….. but the more I learn, the more that I keep coming back to a few basic, recurring precepts of yoga.  Today’s happens to be exactly this – the less I grip and clench and hold on, the softer and easier everything becomes.  In a class when I reach my first child’s pose, sometimes my low back is not prepared to release and I end up hovering a couple of inches over my heels, causing pressure on my neck, frustration and the lack of release into that long spine stretch.  But when I am able to stop gripping, child’s pose becomes easier and more enjoyable.  When I hold on to an emotion, when I grip it tightly to my heart, it does not resolve anything, but when I am able to soften and allow myself to feel and let go of unneeded emotions, well – it’s win-win.

Lately circles have been resonating with me – I see circular patterns in the breath, in life, in the routine of my day – so to find that the more I learn leads me back to the paths I’ve been following reinforces to me that I am learning to let go and live more freely.  I don’t quite feel like I’m going in circles yet, because I keep picking up and gaining knowledge that is simply taking me back to a beginning.  But I bring a little something new with me each time I return, and today, it was the beautiful sound of a singing bowl that I held very loosely near my heart and to some extent, played me.

 

I previously wrote specifically about religion and yoga, and how some students deal with the various aspects of spiritual yoga. This is a little different.

In California there are apparently schools that offer yoga as an alternative/supplement to physical education. A group of parents sued, stating that yoga is inherently religious and violated the constitutional separation of church and state.

While I have many thoughts as to how the constitutional use of church and state is used hypocritically by many people as a means to their personal ends, in this instance, the argument simply did not hold water.

The Encinitas Union School District had stripped all spirituality out of what they were teaching, down to changing the Sanskrit names of poses to secular, more child-friendly names – for instance, lotus is called “criss cross applesauce” pose. I’m not even sure from what I’ve read if they were teaching the children any breath work. The families were also given the option to “opt out” or not enroll their children in the yoga class.

But here’s the real kicker – according to what I read, the children of the parents who sued never attended any of the yoga classes offered by the School District. They researched yoga on line, decided they didn’t like what they read and as the Judge put it “It’s almost like a trial by Wikipedia,”

Yoga is a terrific form of exercise and a magnificent way to learn to deal with anxiety and nerves. My friends and I have spoken many times on how much more complicated and stressful our children’s lives are ….. even going back to when my daughter, now 30, was a child, and I was worried about her getting good grades in elementary school so she could get into the right middle school, continue to work hard, take as many advance and AP classes as she could to then get into the right high school so she could go to a good college. Phew! I’m exhausted just typing that! Add in school and homework, sports or even family, and “free time” for children is becoming less available to them.

Yoga can help children learn to deal with anxiety, nerves and stress.

Let’s talk about the obesity problem with American children. Yoga is not a high-calorie burning activity, for the most part. But it will help the children develop a better knowledge of their bodies, and I believe can also assist in helping children form positive body image for themselves. I have read studies where yoga is integrated into eating disorder treatment plans and in the studies I reviewed, the majority of the students under treatment for eating disorders found yoga helped them tremendously to get in touch with their bodies and form a more positive self-image. Why can’t that translate down to our children?

Apparently some of the parents were also concerned that yoga could be a gateway to their children becoming interested in, or learning about, other religions. If yoga is a gateway for religious exploration for some individuals, its likely because they were seeking in the first place.

While I have an obvious bias, yoga and breath work should be taught to children as young and as often as possible. We live in a high stress world and that trickles down to our children. Why not give them the opportunity to learn how to deal with their anxieties and bodies without medications, therapy, or just letting them implode. Public school is not the place for religion, I agree. But teaching children to exercise regularly, respect themselves, perhaps improve their body image and calm themselves is a different story, which is why the Judge ruled as he did.

http://www.utsandiego.com/news/2013/Jul/01/encinitas-schools-yoga-trial-judge-ruling/2/?#article-copy

Many students of yoga (or people who are in touch with their physical selves) know the connection between mind and breath – when you are upset or your mind is full of information and problems, your breath is generally quick, short and/or shallow – and once you participate in any form of exercise that requires coordination of breath to movement, its pretty clear how the mind, body and breath work together.

There are other ways that the breath, mind and body work together.  For instance, when you are upset or “taking a moment” before confronting a problem, have you ever noticed how you tend to have a long, full exhale, sometimes even counting to 10 like grandma suggested?  That’s your mind telling your body to calm itself by engaging the para-sympathetic nervous system with the long, soothing, outgoing breath.  Your mind knows when you are anxious:  Stress is your body’s way of responding to any kind of demand. When you feel stressed by something going on around you, your body reacts by releasing chemicals into your bloodstream. These chemicals will give you more energy and strength. This is your body’s throwback reaction to when human’s stress was generally caused by physical danger.  So this helps if the stress is caused by an emergency or physical danger.

Many different things can cause stress — from physical (even think about how your body reacts to a near-miss in traffic) to emotional (our never-ending concerns about family and friends). Identifying what may be causing you stress is often the first step in learning how to better deal with stress.

Sometimes we can change or modify the cause of the stress and anxiety.  Sometimes we can’t.  That’s where using our yogic tools comes in handy.  Deep breathing, alternate nostril breathing, calming poses like legs up the wall or child’s pose, yoga nidra and meditation are all arrows in our yogic quiver that can be used to coordinate the mind, body & breath and relieve stress and anxiety.

There is also a different aspect to mind, body and breath coordination in yoga, and this is one with which I am personally struggling.   That is when your body is injured or aging and your practice starts to change.  Change is ever present and of course we all know that the harder we fight change, the more we are like a fish swimming upstream – struggling against something we cannot control or change.

Now, just because your body may be changing or that you are rehabilitating an injury doesn’t mean that you can’t still have a satisfying yoga practice.  But your body may not cooperate with what your mind thinks it can still do.

For instance, in Sivananda yoga,  headstand, shoulder stand and plow are routine asanas in class.  I loved shoulder stand and plow and eventually, learned to love headstand.  However, when I was learning these asanas my focus was not on alignment and proper use of breath.  Five years later, my memory of these asanas is both wistful and a little  peeved.  I really, really wish I had known then what I know now, and if it weren’t for my own physical limitations I would be practicing these poses routinely.  However, convincing my mind and heart that my body is no longer physically equipped to support these poses is a new challenge in itself.

I’m far enough along in my physical recovery to know that its time for me to start testing my limitations and boundaries as to what I can do, where my body can safely go and riding the breath all the way.   Its time to start poking at my own fears, hard edges and rebuild strength and continue to find flexibility.  In order to achieve this, I will need all of the yogic tools I’ve been taught over the years – which again, brings us back to the mind, body and breath connection.

Whether you are trying to connect your mind to your body and breath to deepen your practice, recover from injury, start a practice, relieve stress and anxiety or build strength, keeping the “big three” connected will be key.

I lost my mother when I was 8 years old. As a result, I grew up with a variety of mothers, ranging from my father to my sisters to my aunts to my friends’ mothers. I was mothered by many and learned a lot from everyone, especially my sister Linda who taught me everything from how to make oatmeal cookies to how to survive my daughter’s teen years.

When I got a little older and could verbalize what it felt like to lose my mother at such a young age, I can to realize that for me,  losing your mother is losing the foundation of your life. You don’t quite feel like you have a secure anchor because you don’t have quite the same unconditional love, even if you have plenty of love around you, which I always have – but a mother’s love for her child is different.

Recently this makes me think about the mother to us all, mother earth. The mother that supports us, and who we should be supporting. Instead, we are destroying her. How much ground can we recover from the excesses of the last hundred years or more? The digging, drilling, polluting, poaching, mowing down rainforests and entire eco-systems for malls and housing developments. Can we fix that damage somehow, in our lifetime anyway? Will my grandchildren be wearing gas masks and covered from head to toe because of the pollution and UV rays?

We all have one mother and we share her. She keeps us warm, fed, and supplies the very air that we breathe. As with human mothers and children, we aren’t always nice to each other. But what we have done to our shared mother, mother earth, is truly heinous.

Its far to late to fix what we’ve done. At this time I do my best to mitigate my carbon footprint, separate my recyclables (and hope that they actually get recycled), try to carry my water bottle, re-use or re-invent what I can. But I can’t clean up the Great Lakes, I can’t clean up nuclear waste-sites. I am only one vote when it comes to off-shore drilling or running a pipeline through the wilds of Alaska.

So on Sunday, as you think about your mom if she’s not with you, or as your kids make you brunch or you have a big family celebration, take a moment to think about our shared mother, not the one we live with but the one that we live on. Try to do something, one thing a day, that will help keep our shared mother healthier. Pick up trash, plant a tree, reusable water glasses instead of bottles – anything you can think of.

Sometimes, emotionally, we are lucky enough to be mothered by more than one person. But when it comes to mother earth, its time for us to start thinking more about what we can do for her, instead of what we can continue to take from her. We need to treat her with compassion and respect. Its time for the human race to stop acting like adolescents and take, take, take from the earth. Instead, lets start to give, give, give and see if we can do something in our lifetime to relieve some of the stress that we have put on her.

The practice of Ahimsa, one of the  many facets of yoga,  means simply “not doing harm”. It does not distinguish between doing harm to others versus doing harm to onesself, or between harm as done to humans or animals or objects or the earth itself.